


Sealed in Ink

by frapandfurious, squire



Series: Big Brothers AU [21]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Loneliness, M/M, Nightmares, Superstitious dreams, benarmie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-14 15:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16495553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frapandfurious/pseuds/frapandfurious, https://archiveofourown.org/users/squire/pseuds/squire
Summary: Ben is used to weeks alone with Hux away for work... but sometimes he needs an extra reminder that he's never really alone.





	1. Nightmares

Ben woke up to his face stuck to his pillowcase. There was a wet spot where he’d drooled on it during the night, and the hair on his arms was still raised with shivering disgust. That was one hell of a nightmare. He stifled a groan and squinted at the alarm clock on his nightstand. 4:23. Too damn early.

He shuffled over to a dry section of the pillow, as silently as he could, but the warm body under the duvet next to him was already stirring.

“I got the alarm on, in case you’re wondering,” Hux drawled sleepily. Ben snorted. The previous evening, he’d reminded Hux at least twice to set it on. Ben wouldn't be the one waking Hux with his morning jog as usual this morning - by the time Hux had to wake Ben would be still dead asleep.

Now, Hux’s alarm was set to go off at 4:45, just in time for him to get ready and catch his flight.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” Ben mumbled, shifting over some more and completely contradicting his words by sneaking his arms around Hux, snuggling close. “Just a bad dream.”

“Hmmm?”

“Huge praying mantis parading across the ceiling, over and over again. Falling on my head when I tried to sweep it off.”

“Ouch,” Hux hummed sympathetically. Then he roused slightly, perking up. “Were you always scared of insects?”

“Only when they’re big enough to bite your finger off,” Ben snorted again. “It’s nearly half past… hmmm… what about a quickie?”

Now it was Hux’s turn to snort. “As if you’d ever settle for that. Sorry, love. Save it for my coming home.” And with that, he resolutely untangled himself from the combined trappings of the duvet and Ben’s arms, leaving both crumpled (and in latter case, pouting) on the bed.

“I’m going to send you so many dirty texts,” Ben sighed and hugged Hux’s pillow instead.

“You might even Skype me,” Hux suggested from inside the adjoining walk-in wardrobe. “The reviews seem to agree on the Wi-Fi in the hotel being reliable.”

“And the Wi-Fi in the conference venue?” Ben grinned into the semi-darkness.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Even with the extra quarter, the time seemed to fly. Hux was always very efficient in his morning routines. He put on the tea kettle, showered, dressed, downed the lukewarm tea, pocketed some ready change for the overpriced airport pastries and now he just had to grab the suitcase which he packed the night before. Far too soon to his liking, Ben waddled out of bed to the hallway where Hux hesitated, clean cut and impeccable as always, suitcase in hand.

“You got everything? Passport, boarding pass?”

Hux patted his inner breast pocket. “Take care,” he said softly.

Ben rubbed at his eyes, feigning sleepiness. “You take care,” he mumbled. “And enjoy the beach. You get an afternoon off, right?”

“Hopefully the weather will be alright,” Hux laughed and pecked a quick kiss off Ben’s pouting lips. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Ben said and watched the door close. A shiver passed through him and he shifted his bare feet on the cold hallway floor. It was really too damn early to be up.

He went back to bed and tried to fall asleep while Hux’s side of the bed was still warm.

He woke again to the soft hue of morning light pouring through the bedroom window blinds. But that was not what woke him. The mattress next to him dipped, the sheets rustled… Ben cracked his eyes open and stared in disbelief. Hux was back in their bed, warm and languid, arms sneaking up Ben’s shoulders and legs tangling with Ben’s, snuggling to him and stealing the warmth accumulated under the duvet.

“What are you-” Ben managed in confusion, his head still sleep-muddled and slow. “Was your flight cancelled?”

Hux only hummed and kissed him. Ben could feel him smiling into the kiss. He was dreaming, Ben decided; Hux opting to screw the conference and stay home with Ben was a fantasy too good to really happen. Ben would pinch himself but his hands were too busy touching Hux, carding through his hair. He wasn’t wearing the pressed shirt he had on when he left. How did he even came back, through the front door, into their bed, without waking Ben...?  _ It’s a dream _ , Ben told himself with regret,  _ and maybe not _ , his traitorous heart whispered, and he willed himself to open his eyes really hard, ordered himself to wake - but Hux was still there, rolled on top of him, tangible, solid and warm.

Maybe Hux booked a later flight by mistake. Or maybe Ben didn’t sleep as long as he thought he did, maybe it was just a few minutes since Hux left, and maybe Hux reconsidered his opinion on quickies… Ben craned his head to glance at the clock but got distracted by insistent lips against his throat.

“You’re going to miss your flight,” he managed at last.

“Hmmm, what if I miss you more,” Hux grinned, narrow hips slotted neatly into the cradle of Ben’s broader ones.

Ben knew he shouldn't be so happy over this but he was. So. Much. He knew, he  _ knew _ how important Hux’s work was to him. They spent years working on Ben’s insecurities and Ben  _ knew _ that even while being several thousands of miles away, Hux didn’t love him any less. And Ben was not a child, he could - and did - cope without Hux for weeks, months on end, just fine. But it still pleased him when he didn’t have to. He wrapped his arms tightly around Hux and held on, silent and grateful.

A scratching sound against the door and the next moment Ben saw Millicent sneaking into the bedroom. He laughed and pushed playfully at Hux’s chest.

“Not in front of the kitty,” he teased. Hux laughed too and shifted to lie on his side next to Ben, head supported on one elbow. The sunlight from the window cast an ethereal shimmer around his outline, every ginger hair turned gold, and Ben’s breath caught.

“Look, Millie,” he called softly to the cat, “Your favorite dad is staying home after all.”

Millie jumped up on the bed, walked a little to and fro and then she settled to knead the threadbare shirt covering Ben’s chest.

She walked  _ right through _ Hux. Ben felt his blood freeze in his veins.

“...’Tidge?”

Hux’s outline was already fading, the morning light shining through the sad smile on his face.

“I am going to miss you,” Ben heard, and then Hux was–

Ben woke with a wail, eyes welling up with tears. His bed was empty and cold, the room washed in shades of grey. The sun has not yet risen. Sharp pain prickled at Ben’s chest and he looked down - his sleeping shirt was torn and his chest sported a fresh scratch, and from the bottom of the bed, Millicent meowed at him balefully. He must have scared her to death with his scream.

It was just a dream. Hux didn’t really come back as a ghost, he wasn’t really-

But even under the centering pain of too hot shower beating down his neck, Ben knew he wouldn’t get any rest until Hux would text him after he landed. Much, much later in the day.

 

*

 

_ -no barrage of inappropriate texts during the flight? I’m almost disappointed _ .

The text came through at three in the afternoon, and Ben finally could breathe again. He stared at the little bubble of text, imagining Hux’s teasing smile as he typed it, under the hot Spanish sun.

- _ maybe I finally grew up. Aren’t you proud of me? _ he sent his reply. He couldn’t very well tell Hux that out of lingering superstitious fear, he didn’t dare touch the texting app the whole day because writing to Hux while he was still ten thousand feet in the air and not able to reply would feel too much like writing to a… ghost.  

_ -who are you and what have you done with my husband? _ came the lighthearted message accompanied by a string of laughing emojis, purely for Ben’s sake - Hux rarely used them.

_ -how’s Spain? _ he asked, hoping that Hux didn’t notice the three dots dancing entirely too long on such a short message.

_ -passable but very windy. The welcome dinner is about to start soon. Love you. _

Ben sent a kiss emoji in lieu of a reply and then his eyes snagged on the word ‘dinner’, his stomach giving a fierce growl at the same time. Oh right. He hadn’t eaten anything the whole day.. 

 

*

 

The dreams didn’t get any better. Ben could guess the root of it - while packing for this particular conference, Hux had mentioned that there would be a lot of industrial stakeholders attending, mainly from the aircraft and arms industry. Many of them Hux met or was introduced to back in his military days as the bulk of their turnover came from army deals. Ben’s subconscious simply put together ‘flight’ and ‘army’ - and proceeded to stir up every fear Ben managed to suppress since the day Hux last stepped on board of a plane wearing an uniform. Nearly a year ago. Yes, looking at the calendar and remembering the days of the same month dragging agonizingly slowly, nights spent sitting next to immobile Hux wrapped in casts and tubes.. that might have been a reason, too.  

It was nonsense. Hux didn’t go about jumping out of planes with nothing but a piece of flimsy silk on his back anymore. He was safe. 

 

*

 

“...and then, just as I am pulling my shoes on…”

Rey stopped talking as the giggles, once again, took the better of her. She kept bursting into laughter every two seconds of recounting her tale, despite having told it already twice, at least. On the screen in front of her, Hux waited with a patient and fond, even if a bit blurred smile.

“Well? What did Ben do?” he prompted after a moment.

“Ha!” she pointed a shaky fingertip at her brother in law, still hiccupping with giggles. “Not nice assuming it was anything that Ben did!”

“Nothing aside from my husband's antics could ever make you lose it like this in all those years I've known you, Rey.”

“Point.” She took a deep breath. “Okay. So I am still in the hallway, pulling on shoes and trying not to fall over because of the last glass of wine I definitely shouldn't have let Ben pour me, and equally tipsy Ben is out on the driveway, on his phone with Techie who was supposed to come to my rescue like the knight in shiny Volvo and  _ was stuck in the traffic. _ ”

“Hey!” Rey’s husband protested. “Not my fault you decided to end the party so soon!”

Rey made a face. “I need to build back my stamina. Two years of teatotalling do that to a girl! I am not having another baby until I make up on all the missed drinks!”

“Could you just stick to the story?” demanded Hux, face going even blurrier for a moment as he fiddled with something on his laptop. “I’m supposed to be in the lecture hall in twenty-”

“Fine, fine,” Rey waved him off. “But first, a question for you, Armitage: have you met all your neighbors yet?”

Hux rolled his eyes and shrugged somewhat guiltily. “We only moved in, what, two months ago? And I’m at work most of the day. Ben’s the one who’s at home more, ask him.”

“That’s it!” Rey giggled again. “You two need to do a proper introduction round. Together.”

Hux’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”

Rey enjoyed this far too much. “Because, as I am in the hallway and out of sight, I hear some girl outside talking to Ben. She often visits her father who lives next to you, she saw Ben a couple of times mowing the lawn,  _ shirtless _ -”

The corner of Hux’s lips twitched.

“-and from her slurring and word choices I gather that she’s had even more to drink that night that I did-”

“-which is to say, she was tipsy, so you really shouldn’t blame her-” Techie put in but didn’t get very far-

“-tipsy my foot, she was drunk off her ass!” Rey resolutely pulled the reins of the narrative back to her. “And she kept telling Ben how  _ good _ he looks shirtless, and how he should  _ definitely  _ drop by for coffee and a chat sometime, and how she  _ just by chance _ has the house free tonight, and my brother, the poor darling, was trying to be a gentleman and steer her away, and-”

“-and you, my dear, were laughing behind the door like the loyal sister you are,” Techie shook his head at her reproachfully.

“It was priceless!” Rey exclaimed. “The more he tried to tell her off, the more she ramped up her act, and just as I decided to walk out and save him, I hear him  _ snap _ and say  _ quite _ forcefully ‘Listen, I’m not looking, okay? I’m married.’”

Hux smiled, the little frown line between his eyebrows disappearing for a moment.

“Do you think that put her off?” continued Rey. “She just tosses her horribly bleached ponytail over her shoulder and drawls ‘Oh come on, nobody’s  _ that _ happily married. Say, what does she have that I don’t?’ And then- and then Ben said-” she dissolved into giggles again.

“Well?”

“He-he was really angry at this point and he blurted out- ‘A dick!!’” Rey guffawed, tipping back in her chair and nearly overbalancing in her merriment.

“Oh he didn’t,” Hux was laughing now, too.

“He  _ did _ !” Rey insisted. “And nearly shouted it too! I swear I heard a gasp from half the houses around!”

“Well, looks like an introductory round is definitely in order after I’m back home,” Hux pushed a strand of hair away from his eyes and looked aside from the webcam to check his phone.

“I’ve got to go soon. Thanks for making my day with that story, you two. And thanks for checking up on Ben, Rey.”

“Anytime - when I get a sitter,” Rey promised. “I missed hanging out with my big brother. See you soon!”

The Skype call disconnected. Techie kept staring at the little icon in the middle of the screen, small thoughtful smile playing around his lips.

“You made him jealous,” he remarked offhandedly.

“That  _ was _ the point,” Rey winked with a satisfied smile.

“Sneaky,” Techie laughed. “For a moment I was afraid you were going to guilt-trip him for going to that conference...”

Rey shook her head. “Nah. Ben’s not a baby.” Then she frowned. “But something about this one really rattled him, you know… he didn’t look well.”

“Lucky he has you… which reminds me,” Techie pulled up his phone, “I got invited to Kyoto, end of August...”

“End of  _ August? _ ” Rey completely forgot about her brother. “ _ I’m starting again in my job in August, you- _ ”

Several thousands miles to the East of them, Hux was sitting on his hotel bed, absentmindedly fiddling with his phone. 


	2. Homecoming

Ben stayed true to his word and sent his husband a string of particularly imaginative texts right when Hux was giving his plenary lecture. Hux's phone was muted for the duration of it, the only saving grace, but he made the mistake of checking it before the Q&A session started.

Hux later complained that he was going to be forever remembered as a man with an endearing level of social awkwardness who will blush ever so much when asked a flattering question about his research.

Not that Hux even registered the question.

He retaliated later by a series of very  _ suggestive _ texts which happened to arrive during Ben’s visit to Leia. Ben’s fault that he would never turn the sound off on his phone, really!

They Skyped once or twice, too. But the nights, when Ben really needed to hear his husband’s voice, feel his soothing touch… there was only the slowly fading scent of Hux’s shampoo on his pillow.

The time zone difference wasn’t helping. By the time Ben’s head hit the pillows, Hux was at his busiest - attending lectures, socialising, networking. When Ben’s alarm sounded, Hux was already falling asleep. And getting so worked up about dreams… didn’t seem like something Ben should be bothering Hux with.

On the fourth night, Ben’s subconscious coughed up another terrifying image just as he was falling asleep and he had his phone in hand before he could talk himself out of it. He squinted at the time. A little after midnight.

_ -morning, babe. Any chance of a goodnight kiss? _

It would be little after six am on the other side of the Atlantic. Hux’s program started at half past nine. Ben resigned himself to waiting a good while for his goodnight kiss. He didn’t feel like closing his eyes again anytime soon, anyway…

The phone going off in his hand startled him so much he almost fell over the edge of the bed. The screen lit up with one of Ben’s sneaky snapshots of Hux’s smile - caught unaware and radiant. Ben hastily shuffled a bit higher on the bed, leant against the headboard and swiped to accept the videocall.

“Hey love. Still up for the kiss?”

“Hey,” Ben breathed out, afraid that his voice would betray the tightness of his throat, the lingering taste of salt at the back of his mouth. “You’re...”

“Up too early?”

“Beautiful.” Ben couldn’t resist. Levity always worked best for masking any distress, if you asked him. Hux’s hair was sticking up funny on one side and he hadn’t shaved yet. Probably hadn’t even rolled out of bed yet. He laughed and the frame of his phone shook a little.

“And up too early,” added Ben. “Did I wake you?”

Hux looked briefly away from his phone - probably to glance out of the window. Faint peach-coloured light was falling on his face from that direction. “It is technically morning.” Then he turned his head back, eyes dropped. He appeared to be thinking of something.

“They’ve planned a tour to the facilities this morning, I wanted to get something done before we started-” And then he added, almost as an afterthought: “And I couldn’t get much sleep anyway.”

“Yeah, same,” Ben blurted out gratefully before he realized that  _ his _ sleep problems couldn't have been blamed on jetlag. And sure enough, Hux was looking at him with slightly narrowed eyes, as if he was somehow able to peer through the screen and straight into Ben’s soul-

“Are you sleeping on my half of the bed?”

Ben closed his eyes for a moment. Even in the dark bedroom, the faint outline of the headboard edge on the  _ wrong _ side of Ben’s broad shoulders didn’t escape Hux’s notice.  

“That.. yes? I had some… pretty bad dreams the other night, and your pillow, I mean, it still smells a little like you, and it kinda helped so I… ugh. This is awkward.”

“About as awkward like when I  _ stole _ your t-shirt to bring it with me to Iraq because I knew I was going to miss you?” Hux asked softly. He wriggled a little, the unnecessary large pile of hotel provided pillows stashed behind his back against the headboard. The movement pulled the edge of his blanket a little down his chest and drew Ben’s attention to the collar of Hux’s pyjamas - except - none of Hux’s pyjamas had the collar so wide that one freckled shoulder would peek out-

“Are you sleeping in my t-shirt again?” Ben laughed, completely cured of his embarrassment.

“Guilty as charged,” Hux shrugged. The movement sent the loose collar another inch down. Ben watched its progress with yearning focus. He wanted to reach over and pull it down a little more. Hux’s collarbones were lightly freckled and even in the low light and low resolution it seemed as if the skin there was glowing with the faintest sunburn - Hux mentioned going to the beach on afternoon off on the previous day…

“I wish I could fit into your clothes to retaliate,” Ben said, just as a joke and realizing half-way through he meant it. Hux’s scent on the pillows was almost gone by now… and he needed something reassuring on his skin, under his fingertips, when his own eyes deceived him so many times in his nightmares.

“Please don’t try it,” Hux said quickly, no doubt imagining the ripped sleeves and ruined buttonholes on his fitted shirts. Then he softened again. “But I’d like that, too. I like to see you wearing things I gave you.”

Grinning, Ben tilted his phone down to show the wedding band gleaming on its usual spot, on a thin chain around his neck. Hux’s smile grew and then it dropped, his brows coming together again.

“Is that a scratch on your chest?”

Ben felt at it. “Yeah, Millie. She disliked me wanting to get up when she wanted to stay down...”

“Can’t blame her, everyone seems to love your chest.”

“Hmm?” Ben perked up. There was just a little too much emphasis on the way Hux’s said  _ everyone _ .

Hux looked away again, in that distracted manner that Ben knew could mean two things - either he was simultaneously thinking about something else - usually work - or he was building up to something he wasn’t sure how it’d come across.

“Rey tried her damnedest to make me jealous the other day,” Hux said suddenly, his intonation light and careless - but the smile on his face was twitchy and nervous.

Ben groaned. “I knew she wasn’t going to keep that story for herself, dammit. It was so embarrassing I swear.”

“I can say,” Hux laughed. “But it makes one think why she did it.”

“Hit on me? You just said yourself-”

“Not the neighbor,” Hux dismissed the poor girl. “Rey.”

“Oh.” Ben realized he’d underestimated his sister about as much as she’d underestimated Hux. His husband’s eyes were now peering on him, the anxiousness in them unmistakable.

“Ben, is everything all right?”

Ben sighed. Even thousands of miles away, Hux always managed to put his finger right on the string with which Ben barely held himself together - and pluck. But it felt so good to unravel - his reasons might have been imaginary but the pain he felt was real.

“It’s just the dreams...” he began. “I know they’re just dreams and that they won’t - that they don’t - but all the same, it’s awful just to have them, you know? The morning you left I dreamt that you-” he couldn’t finish it out loud, not even now.

He didn’t need to. The look on Hux’s face said he knew all too well.

“Oh love… I wish you’d told me straight away.”

“You’d think I was silly… haunted by superstitious dreams...”

Hux snorted. “You don’t know half the things I dreamed about after you came back from Frankfu-”

He bit his lip but it was too late. Ben’s face immediately flamed up red with guilt.

“You never said anything,” he whispered lamely. He felt twice the fool he’d felt then - for missing his plane, not telling anyone and make everyone mad with worry that he’d died.

“In retrospect, I wasn't setting the best example,” Hux said dryly. “If I did say something then, you wouldn't have felt as if it was insignificant now…”

“Hey, don't blame yourself. It's my brain cooking up stupid shit, right?”

Hux appeared only half convinced, fidgeting with the hem of one sleeve where it fell, too long, almost reaching his elbow. The fiddling revealed another inch of skin, this time the soft blue shadow in the dip under his collarbone. The skin was whiter there, untouched by sun. Hux’s two piece bathing suit made him look like someone out of bygone era but gingers weren’t made to endure sunlight. Ben bit his lip and Hux’s eyes shot up, suddenly alert - finally he seemed to notice what kind of effect this torturously slow strip-tease had on Ben.

“Hmmm… since I am already awake, anything I can do now to make you get a few hours of sound sleep?”

He really had the best husband, Ben decided.

   


*

   


Convincing Ben that he wasn’t jealous over that handsy neighbor story was one of his best tricks, Hux thought with self-approval. Of course he wasn’t jealous - much. The thing was - and they both knew it - that Ben  _ liked _ Hux to get just a little possessive over him. It was a streak that Hux worked hard on suppressing, seeing as he didn’t actually want to  _ control _ or  _ own _ Ben. But even so, just a little of it showed every now and then.

So, even though Hux didn’t exactly want to wrap the NO TRESPASSING tape all around their house, he definitely itched with an urge to stake his claim  _ somehow _ .

But not to ward off the others, not really. Hux knew his husband through and through. Such claim would mean more for him than even for Hux himself. The same subtle itch that urged Hux to  _ possess _ was sometimes driving Ben with the restless need to  _ belong _ . Ben wore his wedding band around his neck because it kept snagging on costumes during lifts and on ladies’ sequined dresses during his dancing lessons - but he loved to put it on during formal events, the steely gleam of the solid band impossible to miss against the dark blue of their matching suits. Ben also loved to be marked, to feel the memory of Hux’s mouth on his skin for days, but all marks eventually faded…

Now, there was an idea. 

  


*

  


Living in Philadelphia had one particular advantage over their former place: one didn’t need to drive another tedious two and a half hours to get home from the airport.

After what seemed like ages since he’d had an unsatisfying and overpriced lunch at the Barcelona airport, Hux stumbled out into Philadelphia airport, bathed in harsh early afternoon light, buzzing and almost repulsive with activity. The broad daylight was at war with Hux's inner clock that kept insisting it was already late at night. Ben had a meeting at the bank to finalize the loan for his new studio, something he couldn’t (and Hux didn’t want him to) skip.

Hux contemplated a taxi when his phone pinged with the notification of a new email. One of his PhDs wanted to meet to go over some details of their latest results and sounded rather desperate about it. Hux searched his memory - oh yes, Dominik was supposed to hand in his thesis two months ago. Well, if he wanted a meeting so badly…

An hour later Hux hopped out of Dominik’s car in front of his house, waved away the profuse thanks of his student and walked up to the door. Millie rubbed against his legs as soon as he stepped into the hallway and Hux picked her up, murmuring his greetings over her loud purring. He looked briefly into the kitchen as he dragged his suitcase down the hall - Ben must have really missed him because the countertops were spotless, there was a bowl of fresh fruit on the table and the coffeemaker stood at the ready, just to push the button.

One load of washing in the dryer and another tumbling around in the washing machine, sipping away at a cup of strong coffee after a week of hotel dregs, and having catched up on the last of the low priority emails, Hux tipped his head back on the sofa and enjoyed being home. There was only one thing missing... and as if on cue, Hux's ears caught the low squeak of tires on their paved driveway followed by the muted  _ thwunk  _ of the car door. Ben was coming home.

He took a moment too long to walk from the car to the front door and Hux could hear a mumble of voices outside. Ben's deep and halting as usual when he was talking with someone not from his immediate family or friends and the other older, high pitched and wheezy. Hux pictured the neighbor of their other side - an elderly lady whose only passion in life was peeking over other people's hedgerows.  _ She  _ definitely knew Ben had a husband, thought Hux with amused satisfaction and set aside his cup when he heard the key in the lock.

Ben's coming home was a fluid, uninterrupted line of motion from shutting the door to flopping on the sofa next to Hux and immediately burying his face in Hux's neck. Big arms wrapped around him and held on tightly like grape wine, and Hux laughed when he felt Ben's eyelashes tickle the sensitive skin of his throat.

“Hmmm, missed you,” Ben exhaled at last and let go only as much as to lift his head up for a kiss. “Flight was good?”

“Tolerable. Never enough leg space even on the seats where you pay extra. Everything went okay at the bank?”

“I guess,” Ben made a dubious face. “We'll see in five years time if they swindled me with the fixation or not.” He nuzzled his face back under Hux's jaw and shifted sideways, swinging his legs up over Hux's lap and wriggling some more until he was completely wrapped around Hux, with as much contact as he could get.

“You'll be able to refinance it in five years,” Hux said with conviction. “The address is good, people will flock to it, you'll see.”

Ben hummed and started working on Hux's top two buttons to get his lips on more skin. “Sorry I couldn't pick you up.”

“It's fine. I drove home with one of my students,” Hux said automatically, deft fingers helping with the third button.

Ben's lips traced the tan line crossing Hux's collarbone. The skin above it was reddened, spattered with fresh freckles and peeling in places. “Ah, so that was it,” he laughed, his breath tickling the sensitive skin.

“What was what?”

“I swear we have the weirdest neighbors. Another one totally accosted me just as I was getting back home and started dropping insinuations about some ‘curly haired, entirely too young and so sweet he was on your husband’ guy I should be watching out for, apparently.”

“Oh my God,” Hux laughed, tilting his head back. Ben nipped at his throat. “Benjamin Bail Solo-Hux, are you jealous?”

Ben's head popped up, his grin wide and unrepentant.

“You weren't, so I'm not either,” he proclaimed solemnly and went back to his task of undressing his husband one button at a time.

“Oh, weren't I?” Hux growled. His weariness over the extra long day somehow evaporated. He took advantage of the generous depth of their sofa, braced his foot against the sturdy coffee table and flipped them both, pushing Ben to lie spread on his back and settling his weight on top of him. 

“I was thinking,” he began, “what you said about wearing my things, and what I could get you, and what I would like to see on you… And with our anniversary coming up, I hoped you might be up for something… less conventional?”

Ben's eyebrows rose during that little speech. It wasn't like Hux to stumble through his sentences - and was it a trick of the light or were his ears really a bit pinker?

“You know that I'll say yes to whatever you want,” he said.

“I am going to remind you about that later tonight,” Hux promised him. But then his teasing smirk faded and its place was taken by a searching, honest and almost pleading expression.

“What would you say to another tattoo? One just for me?”

Almost as soon as Hux said it he wanted to take it back, because he couldn’t read the look in Ben’s wide, surprised eyes, couldn’t translate the speechless, vacant expression around those half-open, soft lips. And then he registered the vice-like grip of Ben’s hands on his waist, the momentary rigid stillness of his whole body - God, Ben wasn’t even  _ breathing _ \- and then just as quickly the idea seemed to finally sink in because in the next heartbeat Ben flashed into motion, crushing Hux to himself and wrapping both legs around his, attempting to roll them over. For a weightless moment it seemed they were both going to end up in a painful heap on the floor but then Hux found himself squished between the sofa back and his husband’s body, warm and trembling with ragged breaths, and he didn’t mind one bit.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Ben kept saying between blind, aimless kisses. “That’s exactly what I wanted and I didn’t even know this was it, how did you know-?”

“Somewhere for my eyes only,” Hux continued, smiling freely now. He guessed Ben would like the idea, but he wasn’t  _ sure _ . Thank God he guessed right.

“Yes!” Ben agreed enthusiastically. “Something only I’ll know about, and I’ll know you know, something  _ only you _ ever get to see.” His tone shifted into dreamy, almost reverent with the last words, and Hux couldn’t deny the effect the words had on him if he tried.

“Which will be a challenge, with your performance outfits,” he reminded Ben, to keep their heads clear for a little while longer. Of course, on stage Ben used to wear what basically amounted to scraps. He still planned on dancing as a guest with the Knights sometimes, after their lives settled into a new routine.

“I’ll think of something.” The twinkle in Ben’s eyes told Hux clearly that he already had an idea. “Did you have a design in your mind? Or a phrase? Date?”

“A word,” Hux told him. “Something like the ‘Knight’ you already have, but this time a word that would remind you of who you are. Who you are to me.”

“Hmmm.” Ben pretended to think hard. “Husband? Dancer?”

Hux shook his head and smiled, leaning closer and whispering into Ben’s ear: “I hear that you’re a fighter...”

Ben remembered, of course he did. “That’s what you said to me… the day we met.”

“And then once more,” Hux continued, “on that capoeira night, when I found you again, after I told you to get lost like the fool I was.”

Ben opened his mouth to protest but Hux barrelled on: “And you told me then, that I was worth fighting for. That was - the first time anyone-” Hux choked a little and swallowed quickly, “-but you  _ did _ , and you never gave up on me, and on us. Even now, because we aren't ever going to have it easy, with my work and the way I am-”

Ben silenced his growing ramble with a kiss that said one thing in all its beautiful simplicity: he understood.

“Yes, ‘Tidge. I love the idea,” Ben said when their eyes met again. “And I can't wait to get it.”


	3. Happy Anniversary

Hux didn't have any tattoos, never even considered it. Guys in the barracks sometimes showed up with a smudged broken heart or skulls and daggers wrapped in bad Latin quotes but it was never anything that would interest Hux. Which meant that now he had to do a lot of research if he wanted to surprise Ben with the whole deal. It wouldn't do to let Ben do all the leg work - Hux wanted it to be a gift, anniversary gift, and that meant choosing the artist and making the appointment.

He started by dialing up a number on his phone.

Phas, his long-time friend and the Best Woman at his wedding, always picked up on the first ring. And always skipped greetings.

_ “Armitage, you asshole. Do you know what god awful time it is?” _

Hux tried to remember the latest update on Phasma’s travel blog and then cringed.

“Sorry Phas. How is Durban?”

_ “Like every other city at three fucking a am!” _

“Sorry, really. Look Phas, did you get any of your inks done while you still lived here? In the area, I mean.”

_ “That's a weirdly specific question for 3am conversation… okay let me think. You need a recommendation?” _

“Exactly.”

_ “Oooh the hell’s about to freeze isn't it?” _ she sounded excited.  _ “I distinctly remember a certain scrawny Cadet turning up his nose when I suggested it'd look good on you. Nothing to tarnish your shiny officer's career track back then. What happened? Middle age crisis striking early?” _

Phasma at 3am was even more savage than normal Phasma, Hux concluded.

“Well, for one thing, I'm not in the Army anymore,” he said dryly. There was a little choking sound on the other end of the line and then Phasma chimed in, her voice losing some of the edge:

_ “Shit, I forgot, Armitage, sorry. Did I put my foot in my mouth again?” _

“It's fine Phas. I'm actually happier now.” It sounded surprising to himself but it was true. “And secondly, it's for Ben.”

_ “Booo,”  _ Phasma drawled in disappointment.  _ “So why doesn't Ben just go to whoever gave him the Knight tattoo?” _

Hux stopped in his pacing up and down their living room.

“How do you know about that one?” Ben's Knight tattoo, a little word in black with the ‘t’ shaped like red sword, was placed at the smallest of his back, well hidden under his briefs.

_ “Trust me, I am still trying to forget some of the things I saw at Ben's bachelor party,”  _ Phasma said, savagery apparently fully recovered.

“I don't want to know,” Hux assured her quickly. “And the tattoo is supposed to be a gift from me, so I need a really good artist.”

_ “Okay. I got you. I will send you the address in the morning.” _

“You're the best, Phas.”

_ “I know. Now let me sleep.” _

 

_ * _

 

Phasma sent him three addresses, each with a comment about quality of their art, pricing, length of their waiting list and various other issues. Fortunately, one of the tips was exactly what Hux was looking for.

“Do you want to know where it will go?” Ben asked on their way to the appointment, face alight with the impatient  _ please please ask me _ expression he couldn't mask if he tried.

Hux pretended to consider it. “You can tell me - or I can wait till we get home and unwrap you like a present,” he teased.

“Wow, you have thought about this a lot, haven't you?” Ben laughed and again checked his phone with the street plan open. “Right on the next turn and then it should be about two blocks down.”

Hux followed the instructions and drove to a halt in front of a old store building with a row of shops and studios at the ground level.

The waiting area was shared by several tattoo parlors and body piercing studios. The girl Hux talked on the phone with waved them over and went straight to business.

“Okay hon. Look at you. One word? Okay. Better write it down for me. I always make my clients do that. Saves trouble in case they think I misspelled something,” she winked at Hux while Ben nodded and wrote down the word on a slip of paper.

“Nice flowing cursive,” the artist remarked while she readied the table. “Would you mind writing down some stock phrases for me later? I can always use a piece of pretty calligraphy.”

“Sure,” Ben shrugged and grabbed the end of his belt, before pausing and turning to Hux.

“I'll wait outside,” Hux assured him. “I guess this won't take long, will it?”

“Just a blink,” the artist nodded. “Shoo. I don't want anyone here fainting at the sight of needles.”

Hux puffed up with affront but cleared the field without another word. 

 

*

 

The girl put an extra thick bandage on the finished piece before Ben could even get a proper look at it.

“To protect it from the pressure of your pants waistband,” she explained. “I'd still advise you go commando for a while. You don't want your underwear pulling on the skin before it heals,” she warned him.

Writing down for her some twenty odd phrases and the whole alphabet in sumptuously curved capitals took longer than he thought. By the time he finally emerged in the waiting room, Hux was just closing his laptop and subtly stretching out his long legs, by now probably stiff from waiting.

“Sorry it took so long.”

“No problem. You  _ do _ have a beautiful handwriting.”

“When I was just a kid, Uncle Luke brought me a calligraphy set from some hippie trip of his. Mom thought I’d break it after five minutes but somehow… I liked it.”

As they drove home, Hux thought about the couple of chalk sketches that he insisted on framing (despite Ben’s protests) and that now decorated the hallway wall amidst their various honeymoon and holiday photos. He thought about the many ways Ben’s inner world of emotion looked for an expression, an outlet, until it found a way in dancing. With the right influence, with the right push at just the right time, he could as well have been an artist now, or perhaps an actor… but those were futile thoughts. Ben chose his path and fought every step on the way to get where he was now, a successful dancer and choreographer. The word he now wore somewhere under his clothes applied to him more than just in the frame of their relationship. Ben was a born fighter who never gave up on anyone - on his friends, on Hux, on their marriage, and most importantly, on himself.

They got home. Ben grabbed the bottle of soothing lotion the artist gave him and was just heading for the bathroom when Hux suddenly called out:

“Hey! No hogging it!”

Ben thought he misheard, with the front door closing and wardrobe door sliding noisily in its frame. “Sorry babe, what?”

“I said, no hogging it,” Hux repeated, heading past him into the living room and plucking the bottle from his hand. “I need it too. This thing itches like hell.”

Ben blinked, his feet following on autopilot. Hux needed the lotion. Hux  _ needed it too _ . Hux, who was currently unbuttoning his shirt as he walked, shrugging it off, back turned to Ben, lean muscles shifting from the faded pink scars on his lower back all the way to those lightly freckled shoulder blades and  _ was that an edge of adhesive tape peeking just over his the dip where his neck met his shoulder...? _

Hux threw the shirt over the armrest of the sofa and then turned around, slowly this time. His earlier uncompromising bravado was still showing in the straight, challenging line of his shoulders, but none of it was left in his eyes. Searching, honest, pleading, just like before when he first asked Ben for the tattoo.

On the top of his chest, just below the edge of the collarbone, was the same square sterile patch that Ben had on himself, held in place with a piece of adhesive tape.

_ Unwrap you like a present _ , buzzed through Ben’s mind and he crossed the room in two strides, braced one shaky hand on the back of Hux’s neck and with the other, he carefully peeled the patch away.

The inscription there was small but clearly legible despite the puffiness of a fresh tattoo, oozing with fluid.  _ Fighter _ , stark and elegant in Ben’s flowy handwriting.

Confused and too bewildered to care, Ben quickly pulled down the waistband of his sweatpants and briefs and tore away the patch covering his own tattoo. The word there matched Hux’s - but only in meaning, not in form. The word on Ben’s skin was written in the upright, neat and blocky script of his husband.

Suddenly it all clicked. The wink the artist gave Hux as she asked Ben to write down the word. Hux must have substituted the paper slips. The way she shooed him off - Hux, who was never squeamish about blood or needles, who didn’t spend the time in the waiting room but instead in a parlor next door-

“Happy anniversary,” said Hux quietly.

Ben fell into the kiss, remembering in the last moment not to crush Hux bodily against the nearest surface because that would hurt them both, with their tattoos still fresh and tender.

“I should have known,” Ben rushed out when he came up for air at last. “I should’ve guessed that you’d do it, my fighter, you always were-” and he kissed Hux again, long and hungry and grateful, for all the moments Hux fought to get back to Ben, from Iraq, from the accident. That was another anniversary right there. It’s been a year, and Hux stood here, healthy and whole and  _ his _ . 

 

*

 

“I like the spot you’ve chosen,” Hux said later as they got the most urgent need out of their system. Ben just couldn’t keep his hands off Hux after the revelation and Hux himself couldn’t ignore how the lingering rush of endorphins from getting the tattoo was making him inexplicably horny. But now they were resting on their bed and Hux was carefully applying the soothing lotion on Ben’s hip.

“You know why, don’t you,” Ben smiled and stretched out.

Hux hummed in assent. It was where his hand would rest when they walked side by side, Hux’s arm thrown around Ben’s back, fingers resting lightly just below his hip bone. After years together the length and rhythm of their strides were perfectly synchronized, there was no awkward bumping of hips or knees. Ben loved strolling through the streets like that, just watching the life and looking out for new places.

“That’s why I loved the idea so much. I think I wanted you to keep touching me, in a way, even when you’re away...”

Hux nodded and touched his own tattoo, curling his fingers into a fist at the last moment to keep himself from scratching at it.

“That’s exactly why I wanted mine, too.”  _ You aren’t the only one lonely when I am away. _

From the way Ben curled around him and just held him close, he understood both.

 

. . . AND A LITTLE CODA

 

Ben walked out of the kitchen, steaming mug in hand, and checked the time on the opened laptop sitting on the coffee table. Three more minutes to the time Hux promised he'd Skype. Ben made sure Millicent had enough treats and toys in the kitchen to leave the living room undisturbed for a while and then settled himself comfortably amids the sofa cushions, pushing a stray lock of hair out of his face. They were still tacky with the product he'd used earlier to keep them shiny and out of the way, and he would have preferred to shower first - but Hux wanted to see him exactly as he was when he came home, and Ben eagerly played along.

_ I miss undressing you _ , Hux texted him yesterday.

_ Just undressing?  _ Ben teased back, fully knowing Hux was probably in the lectures, but hey, Hux started it, didn't he?

_ The rest that follows, too, of course. But I like every act of the show. Unwrapping you slowly and carefully, like a precious gift. _

Ben had to hand it to Hux then in the sexting game. Hux didn't even need to use dirty vocabulary to make Ben flustered up to his ears.

And now the laptop screen blinked to life with incoming video call. Ben tapped it to accept and grinned to mirror his husband's smile.

“Well hello gorgeous,” Hux said in a hushed tone, taking in the whole of Ben's appearance: those artfully styled locks, the midnight blue of his jacket, the unbuttoned top two buttons of a dove blue shirt, the fit emphasizing the broadness of Ben's chest. “Now I regret twice that I couldn't make it to your opening night.”

“Yeah, you missed a lot,” Ben mock-pouted. “The Knights of Ren as the guest stars of the evening was a nice touch. And before you ask, yes, of course they roped me into a cameo.”

“And how did it all go?” Hux was curious, of course. They spent so much time and energy setting up Ben's new business only for Hux having to jump in last minute for a colleague with a conference presentation right on the day of the studio's opening night. At least the time difference was not such an obstacle this time around. Ben just got home after midnight and Hux in his hotel room was getting ready for bed too, only a bit earlier to his standards. He was sitting on a pile of ugly hotel pillows, legs stretched out in front of him and the laptop balanced on his knees judging by the angle of the webcam.

“Surprisingly without a hitch,” Ben began recounting his evening. “Catering was good and the guys stayed back to help with tidying up. There was a hell of a lot of confetti after the last number. I chatted for a while with the head choreographer for the Youth in Motion, they were looking to rent practice space and even wanted me as a consultant… I just couldn't believe anyone would be  _ that  _ interested, right away,” Ben admitted, still a bit doubtful of the unexpected success.

“Told you,” Hux looked smug.

“I wouldn't have done it without you,” Ben shook his head.

“Love, you practically did,” Hux insisted. “I just cheered you on from the sidelines.”

Ben just chuckled to himself, dropping one hand to hook his thumb in the belt, a default position he'd adopted through the whole night. Casual and loose like that, his fingers would always come curled towards their natural resting place on his hip. Right over the tattoo. If Ben concentrated, he could feel the phantom touch of Hux's fingers entwined with his. It was what got him through the night when the pressure of socialising became too much, and Ben added that on the long list of reasons why he loved Hux: his husband always knew just what Ben needed.

Hux's eyes followed the gesture, knowing smile playing around his lips. His own sleeping shirt - Ben's shirt, again - was hanging askew on him, one sharp collarbone outlined just beneath the neckline. One careless shift and Ben would just catch a glimpse of the top of the tattoo.

Yes. The night had been exciting and busy but he wasn't tired yet. He would enjoy this show. 

 


End file.
